Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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