whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
