i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
