that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
