I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
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she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
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Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize