I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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