i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
