So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
