I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
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He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
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He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So. Much. Porn.
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