Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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