just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
