I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
