Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
