I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
