I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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