All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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