i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have aggressive nipples.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
