I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
