Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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