nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
