I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
