All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
