There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
