She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
