Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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