My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize