Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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