Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
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karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
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I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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