Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
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Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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