Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
