Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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