Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.