My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.