i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
