Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.