3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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