i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Randomize
