our cab driver is having phone sex.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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