its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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