You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
