Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
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