the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
