Soap is not a condiment
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
