I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
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If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
this is an emotional support booty call
I just forgot I was standing up.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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