i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
should my penis look like a turkey
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
