I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
