I cut my penus on the lid.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
