I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up under a house in Key West
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