I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
