Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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