He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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