were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
