We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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