Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
