I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
