I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
