weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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