dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
