Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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