Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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