I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize