one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
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